A young physician's journey of recovery from surviving breast cancer to coping with the traumatic stress of providing front line care during the COVID pandemic
One, two, three, four…I count to myself as I breathe deeply. “Breathing in calmness, breathing out tension,” I tell myself as I fight against the feeling of panic. I steady myself. My anxiety and fear level is a seven and I am mid-traumatic flashback and experiencing what happens when cancer stress triggers memories of past …
It is a cool winter morning. The sky is bright blue and the sun is shining as I do some light house cleaning. The porch door is open and I hear birds chirping outside. I feel at peace. As I straighten some items on the coffee table, my hand accidentally knocks over a small glass …
It’s Christmas Eve. I am curled comfortably under a warm blanket. The Christmas tree lights are twinkling. My dog leans pleasantly against me, a living heater. It is a pleasant morning … yet I am alone. I am not alone by choice this holiday but by circumstance. Two weeks ago my husband declared that he …
I drag myself through the day. I am hungry but too fatigued to prepare a meal. I am thirsty but haven’t maintained adequate hydration. I want to decorate for the holidays, bake cookies, and watch happy holiday movies like “normal” people do but I can not manage to drag myself off the couch. Days later …
I step out of the shower and stare in the mirror as I do every night. My eyes are immediately drawn to my mastectomy scars curving under both breasts. They have faded from their initial angry red, to pink, to a light flesh tone that matches the rest of me. My breasts are beautiful, it …
It all started with a simple text from my husband, “FYI, neighbors are having a block party.” I was driving home from close to two weeks out of town. I was about an hour from home when the text came through. Block parties are not unusual on our street. Once or twice a year there …
We’ve all done it. Looked at someone else and wished silently that we had what they have. Maybe it’s a house in a prestigious neighborhood. Perhaps a flashy car. Maybe a boat or an exciting vacation or a way living only possible with a hefty price tag. Or maybe it’s beauty, health, or freedom. Whatever …
The sun streams through my window. Beams of sunlight fall across my face, warming me. I groan and roll over. It is mid-morning already and I have yet to drag myself out of bed. There are many moving parts in my life right now and I am once again struggling with severe fatigue. I was …
I watch the sun slowly sink behind the horizon. A palm tree is outlined in gold against clouds. The evening air is cool and pleasant so I open a window. Sundown starts Yom Kippur. I understand very little about the traditions of this sacred day but do understand that it is a time for self-reflection, …
I watch the light slowly fade through my window. The clouds whip past and the palm trees bend against the wind. A major hurricane has just passed and the rain has finally stopped. I watch as neighbors cautiously venture out to assess the damage. In this moment my mind is not on the storm, I …