A young physician's journey of recovery from surviving breast cancer to coping with the traumatic stress of providing front line care during the COVID pandemic
I watch as the tropical fish peacefully glide by. The bright yellows, oranges, and purples of the tropical fish contrast beautifully against the deep blue of the water. For a moment I am in my own world separate from the dozens of children darting around me this Sunday afternoon in the reef exhibit at my …
It is several minutes after sunrise. My sneakers thump on the boardwalk. I hear the waves before I see them. As we hit the sand my dog glances up at me waiting. I take a few moments to stretch. Then, as the rising sun outlines the clouds in gold, I run. It has been a …
I take a deep breath as I stare out across the beautiful blue lake. The water sparkles in the gentle spring sunshine. The breeze gently tussles my hair. The spring scenery is straight out of a postcard but I am nervous. Today will be my first time scuba diving since being diagnosed with breast cancer …
One, two, three, four…I count to myself as I breathe deeply. “Breathing in calmness, breathing out tension,” I tell myself as I fight against the feeling of panic. I steady myself. My anxiety and fear level is a seven and I am mid-traumatic flashback and experiencing what happens when cancer stress triggers memories of past …
It is a cool winter morning. The sky is bright blue and the sun is shining as I do some light house cleaning. The porch door is open and I hear birds chirping outside. I feel at peace. As I straighten some items on the coffee table, my hand accidentally knocks over a small glass …
It’s Christmas Eve. I am curled comfortably under a warm blanket. The Christmas tree lights are twinkling. My dog leans pleasantly against me, a living heater. It is a pleasant morning … yet I am alone. I am not alone by choice this holiday but by circumstance. Two weeks ago my husband declared that he …
I drag myself through the day. I am hungry but too fatigued to prepare a meal. I am thirsty but haven’t maintained adequate hydration. I want to decorate for the holidays, bake cookies, and watch happy holiday movies like “normal” people do but I can not manage to drag myself off the couch. Days later …
I step out of the shower and stare in the mirror as I do every night. My eyes are immediately drawn to my mastectomy scars curving under both breasts. They have faded from their initial angry red, to pink, to a light flesh tone that matches the rest of me. My breasts are beautiful, it …
It all started with a simple text from my husband, “FYI, neighbors are having a block party.” I was driving home from close to two weeks out of town. I was about an hour from home when the text came through. Block parties are not unusual on our street. Once or twice a year there …
We’ve all done it. Looked at someone else and wished silently that we had what they have. Maybe it’s a house in a prestigious neighborhood. Perhaps a flashy car. Maybe a boat or an exciting vacation or a way living only possible with a hefty price tag. Or maybe it’s beauty, health, or freedom. Whatever …